Today was one of the worst day of my life. Today was the funeral of my grandpa. My grandpa was the coolest, most loving, greatest guy on the planet, & I have no fucking idea how to live without him. He fought a battle, ’til his death, loving his kids & grandchildren more than anything. My grandpa was a fighter, a huggy bear, an idiom tower of strength & a bastion of calm. He was all I ever wished for. I love him more than my life & in his last hours of his life I couldn’t even tell him how much I love him, cuz he couldn’t listen to me anymore. I feel I should have tell him how much I adore him way more often than I did. I hope he knows how important he was for me. There where times, when I was younger, when I didn’t treat him like I should have & I think that was the biggest mistake I’ve ever done. I don’t fucking know how to move on, cuz the most important guy on the planet was taken from me. That is the best proof that there is no God, when a loved one is taken from you. Parents & grandparents are always immortal, that’s what we tell ourselfs, or at least what I tell myself, to prevent me from going crazy, but in times like these, I can’t stop thinking about death, about people around me leaving me, forever. It sucks, but I can’t make my brain stop thinking. I have a certain smell in my nose & I start crying instantly, cuz it reminds me of my grandpa. I look at old photos & his pocketknife, that I got & that I’ll always carry around me from now on. My brain just hasn’t fully recognize that he’s gone now. Forever. I’ll be able to go to his grave, but that’s just not my grandpa. I won’t be able to hug him anymore, to give him a kiss on his warm cheek. He’s just gone & I don’t want it to be real. It just sucks. I will never forget him & he will always have one of the biggest places in my heart.
I wrote him a letter, I hope he will read it, telling him how much I love him. My life will be a lot darker from now on. I hate times like these. I’d love to crawl into a black hole, not coming out of it for a few months. Just crying & thinking of him. I never was a good cry-baby. Not at all. But now, I think I lost all my tears during the past 6 days. My life won’t be the same anymore…
- Mood:
Sadness - Listening to: silence
- Drinking: wodka
Goodbye my love, goodbye...
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Royal Nightmare
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KILL ART KILL ARTISTS
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Royal Nightmare
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KILL ART KILL ARTISTS
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